Monday, October 31, 2011

Why I am Bi (or better yet, just plain sexual!)

A friend and I have been talking about first experiences. She likes to think of herself as bi, but leans to the lesbian side. That pretty much describes me, as well. She was telling me about her first male/female trysts when she was in high school. They were with two boys and one was an older man.

She said the man was great, made her feel like she was in heaven. She also said the boys were a bit of a joke!  Been there, done that. Honestly, boys do not have a clue! How can they? They have no real practical experience, so you really can't blame them, they just don't know what makes a girl happy.  Until I was almost through with college I pretty much had to teach every young man I was with how to make me happy. I was much more satisfied with girls my own age if for no other reason than they have the same naughty bits and someone of your own sex knows what feels good to them, so they're usually pretty good at exchanging the favor.

It's something that adults don't like to talk about, but probably about half the time a young boys or young girls first experience with sex, other than masturbation, is usually with someone of their own sex. Youthful experimentation it's called. It doesn't make anyone gay or straight or even bi, it just means they're trying out their new feelings and body.  Unfortunately, some people take their first experience and think that's what they really are, that once you've gone gay, you are always gay. Sometimes that's true, but most times it's not. Life isn't always black and white.

Now, girls can be so much fun! They kiss better. They are more patient. And they are so soft and wriggly. Before I started dating boys (back in the olden days when people still dated), my girlfriends and I would get together for sleepovers or camping trips and we would practice kissing and explore our bodies and we spent a lot of time trying to figure out what made us happy. We liked playing together, but all of us wanted a boy to play with. And back then, none of us really thought about being straight or lesbian or even bi. We were just having fun.

One of my girlfriends thought she was really hot and ended up being a cheerleader. She was real proud of the fact she was dating the running back on the football team. We found out later that he was so full of himself that he treated her like dirt. His idea of fun was to get drunk and use her. She started drinking and it was downhill from there for her. Eventually, when she got to college she started having an affair with her roommate. She calls herself a lesbian, but her idea of fun is to cheat on her partner with some nameless guy she picks up in a club. I really think she's straight. Sometimes, all it takes is one bad man to really screw up a girl's life.

I got really lucky. I met this very geeky, nerdy boy. He was tall, skinny and his hair defied being combed. The jocks and the country club cliques ignored him. But he was very smart and he was always very nice to me. I always thought he was cute, but I always figured I could do much better than him. When I was 15, I first started dating. And I had a couple of almost bad experiences with boys who thought it was their God-given right to paw at my body.

Anyway, one day he comes running up to me between fifth and sixth period class and hands me a note. He wanted to know if I would go to a play with him. Not to play with him, but a real theater play! We rode the bus together almost every day going home cause we lived in the same neighborhood. He kept trying to look at me without looking at me. I was really confused. I thought this guy was a real dork, but he was also very sweet. To be honest, sitting on the bus, with its gentle rocking back and forth, I was getting really turned on by the whole thing! When I got back to the house, I ran upstairs to my room, locked the door, and did what girls do behind locked doors when it's the only thing to relieve the urge.

Then I went downstairs and asked my mother if it was all right to go out with him. First off, it was on a school night, a Thursday night. But my mother surprised me and said that she would talk to the boy's parents and check to see if he was being truthful. And so we went out together. We went out together for about a month before we even kissed! Three months later, he took me sailing down in Galveston Bay. My mother bought me a new two-piece bathing suit that was a little too big on top. I was only a B cup and every time I leaned over I think he could see what he could see! Tee Hee!

So, it started getting stormy and we had to leave early. We headed back to Houston in his father's old Toyota, with bench seats. I was very tired and I lay down on the front seat with my head on his thigh. The car was a manual and, after he would shift gears, his hand would come over and naturally rest on my stomach. I thought it was so sexy. After we crossed over to the bay bridge, I picked his hand up off my belly and placed it on my breast. He tensed a bit, but relaxed quickly. I was a bit scared. I didn't know how he'd react and whether or not he was going to take advantage of the situation.  He didn't paw, he didn't grab, he didn't pinch, he just took it gently in his hand and caressed me. That was the moment I knew what I wanted to do with him.

And we did. We did it at his place. We did it at my place. We did it in a car. We even did it in the college conference room at our high school one weekend! I wasn't on the pill and getting condoms back then was kind of tricky so we didn't actually do the deed very often, but we got very good at pleasing one another. He was the most patient and sensitive lover I had for many years.  The one thing I will never forget about him was that he always paid attention to how I felt and whether I enjoying the sex. I came first! Both to him and literally! He had a way of knowing just how far to go and, when things got a little too intense and I wanted to push him away, he would ease back, let me get my bearings, and then he would start back up again! He's the first one that taught me that my pleasure was just a little blip in time, but could be dragged out for as much time as one was willing to put into it.

He was the reason why I decided that I preferred smart, geeky men to good-looking man. A good-looking man may be nice to go to a party with just to look good, but for pleasure they are such losers! lol.

We talked a lot about sex. He was very shy about it at first, but when we both started opening up, it was a revelation. I'd been with more girls than I had boys. It turns out he'd been with more boys than he had girls. He didn't think he was gay, though. He really preferred girls, but, as he said, boys know what boys like and sex with other boys was a hell of a lot more fun than fumbling around with the girl that was too shy to tell them what they liked. (And boys didn't have to keep reminding other boys to "watch the teeth!")

So, my first real boyfriend was a real turning point in my life. Here I was, 16 going on 17, and I pretty much decided that I like boys and girls equally, as long as they were my type. From then on I collected a small circle of girlfriends that trusted each other. When we got together, behind closed doors, anything went. We played with toys together, we made love together, we even shared boyfriends together. And our boyfriends were pretty much like us. My roommate and I dated a couple of guys who were roommates together. We would get together for dinner at the cafeteria and then head back to their room, lock the door, strip down and try to figure out how many combinations we could try together. It was so hot watching those two boys kiss!

And that is pretty much the story of why I consider myself not straight, not lesbian, but bi.

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